We’ve all interacted with a West Elm Caleb. We’ve just never been able to hold them accountable before.
In the past 48 hours, TikTok posts of women have claimed to be enchanted, haunted, and in one case, sexually assaulted by a 25-year-old designer they call "West Elm Caleb", over 15 million. has been seen more often. Forum.
The internet has turned the story into a circus, with brands and commentary channels drooling over it like vultures savoring a fresh carcass. Even TikTok weighed in with the now-deleted tweet. Photos of Caleb are doing the rounds on the internet, his social profiles have been deleted, his name is a meme, his dating future is obsolete. At the core of the story is a single truth that has united these women, ignited the group chat discourse, and mobilized single women in every other metropolis: We've all chatted with West Elm Caleb; We have never been able to hold them accountable before.
Mimi Shaw, a TikToker and jewelry designer, first identified West Elm Caleb as a potentially bad actor. On January 11 she posted a video about being ghosted by a man named Caleb, then "the girls comment on 'Is this West Elm Caleb?'" It wasn't the same guy, but Shaw was curious. "Who is this West Elm Caleb... and how do you guys know this guy?"
She came to know that she has a history of exorcism and took to Tiktok to warn others. "I guess it's my duty as your Asian big sister to warn the girls of New York City about this 'West Elm Caleb' ASAP," she says, lighting a stick of Palo Santo as if Cleaning your apartment of their energy. After summarizing her concerns about his behavior, she ended by saying, "I'm going to leave it up to the TikTok gods for now and if this video shows up on your For You page and you want to date West Elm Caleb, I'm going to leave it up to you." Be careful and keep your guard up."
Mimi's video reached out to Kate Glyvan, who started dating Caleb a week ago, and posted a "giddy" video about him on her TikTok. Glavan was engaged to a woman named Kelly who told him that she had been dating Caleb for the past six weeks. Other users began posting or commenting about their experiences with the West Elm designer, and a common pattern of behavior emerged: sending copies of the same Spotify playlist to multiple women; seeing many women without their knowledge; telling dates that he deleted them after he started looking at dating apps; Or ghosting them altogether.
Eventually, TikTok reached out to 23-year-old podcaster Kate Pearce, who matched up with Caleb in October 2021. He almost immediately gave her his phone number, and began texting her pictures of his day, which he found attractive. "He was very attentive, very funny, very funny," she tells me over the phone. On Halloween weekend, Pierce asked her if she wanted to meet, and when she replied, "No, I'd like to meet in a good way." Then he sent her a picture of his Halloween costume (a cockroach). "It was a sexy outfit, I guess, but nothing super risky," Pierce noted. Next thing she knew, she was queuing at a bar and staring at a photo she had just sent of her penis. Two weeks later, he sent him a text about how guilty he felt, that he was "scared" because "women wanted to use [him] for [his] body" and that it was "difficult to have a relationship with". It was because As he texted, he added her on Snapchat. The first picture he sent was of his face; The second photo was of his penis.
Some hold the view that West Elm Caleb's behavior in the world of "shitty dating" is exactly the same. But sending someone a photo of your penis without your consent isn't dating nonsense, it's sexual harassment. In Texas, it is a crime. Last year, a bill was introduced that would make it illegal in New York State, and potentially require the offender to complete sexual assault training.
"I saw a girl on TikTok who was like, 'Maybe I'm going to get canceled for this, but I think we're taking it too far with Caleb,'" Pierce says, "and I Left it behind because I was like, 'I really don't want to hear this... I sent her a picture of my Halloween costume. And then like, an hour later, I got a dick pic. Stop that kind of behavior' Is required." (Mashable reached out directly to Caleb for comment, but did not receive a response.)
Pierce says he is looking for accountability. She acknowledges that there is "a line" between holding someone accountable for their actions and ruining their life. "It's okay to expose him for his behavior ... but I don't want anything harmful to happen to him," she says. On the other hand, apps like TikTok are a new type of whisper network – and women no longer need to be silent. "The fact that he's recognizable by so many women in this big city, and the fact that he's done the same exact thing to the same women... if it's an opportunity to make a statement about the poor behavior of men." So why not take it?"
The sharing of West Elm Caleb stories is an excellent modern example of how women have long used gossip to share valuable information with one another, and the demonization of gossip serves largely to preserve and perpetuate the patriarchy. In this essay, I will
— Melanie Bee (@m_k_blurr) January 19, 2022
Caleb has sent apologies to some women. Kate was never found. Now she is trying to move on. She's recorded a podcast episode about her experience and hopes to be able to connect with other women she talks to. "I want to be best friends with everyone," she laughs. "I really want to bring everyone together."
Yet, he is also surprised by all the attention the story has received. Tiktok commentators sitting on the sidelines are mining tags for content on parasites like #westelmcaleb. News outlets (including, apparently, Mashable) are seeking her comment. She says she feels like she's "on display" online. "I woke up, and I was like, 'Oh my god, more fucking notifications.' I'm definitely [it's not as bad] as Caleb, but I'm getting a bit worried about it now. And just like who's watching it?"
Most of the women who shared their stories on TikTok did so to find other women looking for love, not to make national news and send Caleb underground. In New York City, and especially in this pandemic, dating apps have felt like the only viable way to meet a potential mate. "It's hard to meet someone naturally in the city—dating apps are your only option," says Kate, citing Caleb, "using them to her advantage and women's detriment."
There's nothing a lot of women on dating apps can do about someone like Caleb. Pearce could report them for the photos, but most apps don't habitually blame users for ghosts or lies (yet). What goes on between you and a date usually doesn't leave the boundaries of your friend group. So how will a group of women who don't know each other be able to connect, admire and tell cautionary tales apart from the Internet? “NyC girls need to know,” said Kelly, the woman Caleb dated for six weeks in a TikTok. "Look at the snakes because they're watching you."
The West Elm Caleb saga was never about Caleb. It was about guys like Caleb who can take advantage of the peculiarities of modern dating and the eagerness of true hearts to feed their egos. The women whose time he wasted, whose nights he wasted, whose lives he balanced without thinking – they want justice. Who are we to decide what it looks like?