Beauden Barrett, set to start his first Super Rugby game for the Blues this weekend, has reflected on his concerns over being forced into retirement during his two-month battle.
Barrett will start in the flyhalf for the Blues for the first time in two years in a Super Rugby Pacific clash with the Highlanders on Friday, after overcoming concussion symptoms that affected him during December and January.
In an exclusive interview with the New Zealand Herald, the All Blacks back explained that he feared he might retire due to symptoms.
"It was extremely challenging," Barrett said. "The hardest thing about it was not finding a cure. It's a million-dollar question with a lot of repercussions. It was frustrating.
“Usually the months of December-January are festive fun times where you spend time with your friends and family. I did that, but it was annoying with headaches all the time.
"I'm well aware of how retirement can happen if it doesn't work out," Barrett said. "Ken, my brother, had to give up his career because of this. I've seen a lot of good friends and teammates do the same thing in the past.
"I tried to stay positive — I'm usually a very optimistic person. I was trying to find alternative ways of getting on top of things, and I did.
"It's probably the closest I've got to retirement and I definitely wasn't ready for it. I'm only 30, and I still have so much to give. Back to being fit and healthy, I'm here now." Grateful to come and hopefully contribute well to the Blues this season."
Barrett made his first appearance of the season off the bench in a 24-22 win over the Chiefs last Saturday and admitted he was really nervous when he took the field.
"There was a lot of doubt. Anyone returning from injury has that. It's something you have to work on and it gets better with time, training and play. That game on the weekend almost felt like the beginning. It's so much." Felt foreign because it was the first time I was back in a blues jersey.
"I had that cloud like 'Am I going to return from this setback - or is it?'. So, it's a relief to be back. I'm looking forward to competing again and playing football in New Zealand domestically Am."